her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
