I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
