Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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