Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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