stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
