I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
