end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
