So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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