I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Green mimosas i think yes
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
