The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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