you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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