After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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