Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
