You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry about my life...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
