is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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