; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
