At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
