gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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