i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
