I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
