I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
