What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
