Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
