I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
