Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You pole danced in your parka.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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