I must be too annoying 4 u.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
