you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
