shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
