i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
