If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
