Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think i got beer on your cat.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
