everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
