Dual....:-)
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
