She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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