Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
even my farts smell like vagina
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
