Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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