hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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