soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
