how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
