yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
