Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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