remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
