I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
