yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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