we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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