I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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