operation have a gay friend backfired
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
