Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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