Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We have started to decorate penises.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
