Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
