I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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