mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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