As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
